soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you win again, gameday.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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