I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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