At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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