Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
