Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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