wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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