Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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