just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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