Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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