So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
