I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
