i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
