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• (212): View more from New York

  You feel like going out tonight?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle

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• (310): View more from California

  I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls

  (415): View more from California

  Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am not joking.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.

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• (786): View more from Florida

  If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.

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• (559): View more from California

  The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.

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