You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
