I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
