Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
