she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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