it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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