Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
