please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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