whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I need moral support for this bender
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
