Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
