why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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