i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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