My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize