Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
