Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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