Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
