i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
