I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
