I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
