I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
