I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
