Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
