Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
