I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Randomize