She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
