and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
