we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
