okay pat passed out under dana's car
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
