Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
