Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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