Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
