I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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