whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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