my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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