Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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