The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's official drugs can't kill me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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