woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
