If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
40s are totally the cure
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
