I'm lost and stupid without you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
