it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
