i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
