You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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