i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
