weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
