I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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