I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
is it fun? or sober?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
