At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
