okay pat passed out under dana's car
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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