we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
