omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize