Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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