take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
