Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
