why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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