If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
sex in a hospital.. check
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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