I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
