JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
