he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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