I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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