i don't like sucking hair
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
