Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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