I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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