): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize