Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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