i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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