I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
