Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
