Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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