What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
this is an emotional support booty call
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
