i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
