Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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