Define "chronic" masturbator.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
