remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
