4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
