I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
