his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
