he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
