She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
