what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
